7. Everyone Communicates

This is the big idea. Best-selling books in15 minutes on Himalaya learning today, we'll be reading everyone communicatesfew connect by John C. Maxwell. Experts estimate that we are bombarded with35,000 messages every day, vying for our attention. Meanwhile, we're trying toget our own messages across to.

[00:00:34] Most people speak about 6,000words a day, but how many of those words are getting through how many of thosewords will make a difference in everyone communicates few connect? What themost effective people do differently. John C. Maxwell draws from the advice ofmaster communicators and his own personal experience to find principles andpractices that will help you influence and inspire change in yourrelationships, your career and your world.

[00:01:08] Whether you're asking for apromotion or making a toast, whether you're building a team or just helpingyour kid make good choices, the ability to influence others is necessary toeffect positive change. According to the Harvard business review, the abilityto communicate effectively is the number one criteria for advancement andpromotion for professionals Maxwell, compare someone without this ability to apower plant disconnected from the grid.

[00:01:35] Though they may be full ofpotential. They aren't accomplishing anything at its core. Connecting isachieved by identifying with people and relating to them in a way thatincreases your influence with them. Though, this may come more naturally tosome connecting is a skill by implementing practices based on a few organizingprinciples.

[00:01:57] Anyone can increase thelikelihood of making a good connection. Successfully identifying with andrelating to others first requires that we shift the focus from ourselves to those,with whom we wish to connect. We must remove ourselves from the center of ourrespective universes. Anyone who has raised a toddler knows that this shift isan ongoing labor intensive process.

[00:02:22] Everyone you meet brings theirown wants and needs to the table. People do things for their own reasons. Notyours. If our interactions with others can be reduced to giving and takingsomeone who communicates based solely on their own interests is puttingthemselves in the unwelcome position of taker who wants to listen to a taker.

[00:02:43] On the other hand, as author andspeaker Zig Ziglar would say. If you will first help people get what they want,they will help you get what you want.

[00:03:02] When NABI Solei, an entrepreneurand expert in coffee and tea secured the rights to expand a us chain calledGloria Jean's in Australia. He was surprised to find that although the coffeewas well-received, the stores struggled, the take-away model worked well in theU S but locals asked, where are the seats?

[00:03:21] Where is the food Salai? And histeam spent nearly two years adjusting their shops in response to theircustomer's feedback. It was only by understanding and honoring what theircustomers wanted, that they were able to become successful and expand to 470locations around the world. But the benefits of making our connections aboutothers go far beyond the transactional, a study of 16,000 executives byanalysts at the consulting firm tell you metrics found a direct correlationbetween achievement and the ability to care for other people.

[00:03:57] Learning to act primarily from asincere desire to understand and address the wants and needs in others createsan environment in which others feel cared for and safe. The feeling thatsomeone has your best interest at heart is the basis of trust. If yourrelationship with your listener does not rest on a foundation of trust, it isalmost impossible to build a productive connection.

[00:04:21] This principle that connectingis about the other person has a variety of actionable implications. First andforemost, it means we must take responsibility for our listeners. Uh, take itor leave it communication. Isn't enough. We must work to learn about ourlisteners and communicate from their perspective.

[00:04:42] And engineer's speaking to theircompany's sales department will want to speak about a new product in a way thatis meaningful and actionable for them, even if she might personally think thetechnical details are more interesting. Rather than assume that she understandswhat her prospective audience wants to hear.

[00:04:59] The engineer may even arrange tospeak with representatives of the sales department in advance by doing so. Shemakes sure that she understands what is expected of her while simultaneouslycommunicating that she cares about and values the interests of those with whomshe wishes to build trust.

[00:05:20] The most effective communicatorscan address the listeners' needs emotionally, as well as concretely MartinLuther King, Jr. Didn't say I have a plan. His audience needed hope andinspiration to persist in the marathon. Struggle for civil rights. So he gavethem a dream and that dream continues to inspire new audiences to enact changetoday.

[00:05:45] Applying this principle broadly,a connector focused on others will strive to create and share experiences thateveryone enjoys to you. This may mean buying an extra ticket to a football gameso you can invite a coworker along, or it may mean tweaking a speech with acorny joke, a shocking statistic, or an emotional story.

[00:06:06] It may mean entertaining theboard, inspiring the demoralized or just making sure your family has a goodtime on the ride home from the dentist, whatever the case, it will meandevoting energy to the act of connecting. This is another of Maxwell'sprinciples. Connecting always requires energy. We invest energy to connectwherever we work to remember someone's name or include someone in a dinnerparty conversation.

[00:06:33] Even the act of slowing down tomatch a friend's pace on a walk requires a few Watts of mental energy. Now,this doesn't mean that only people with lots of energy are capable of beinggood connectors. Although it doesn't apply that to maintain connections, wemust make time to rest and recharge, especially the introverts among us.

[00:06:54] In fact, it means thatconnecting is more than a natural aptitude that some people have and somepeople don't, it's a skill achieved intentionally by choosing to observecertain practices. And because it's a skill, anyone can improve.

[00:07:17] Some of the more obvious ways inwhich we can choose to devote energy to fostering connections are overtlyverbal and offer of service, a word of praise and expression of gratitude.However, scientific studies have shown that more than 90% of what wecommunicate to others has nothing to do with what we say.

[00:07:35] And since human beings arepredominantly visual creatures, choosing to consider what our listeners seealso provides effective channels for connection by dressing appropriately andeliminating habits or ticks. We can minimize distractions by being openlyexpressive and reducing physical distance by taking away barriers, such asdesks or podiums, we can facilitate emotional closeness.

[00:08:00] Even the self work of getting toknow our subject and ourselves more thoroughly contributes to our chance ofconnecting with others. When we know how to navigate our strengths andweaknesses, we communicate with confidence and help others to feel morecomfortable around us. Maxwell suggests some general strategies to help usfigure out the most effective ways to apply our energy.

[00:08:24] First, he encourages us to. Wellgo first taking the first step toward building a relationship will almostalways feel uncomfortable, but getting into the habit of going first allows usto claim every opportunity to connect. Besides when you volunteer to break theice, that means others don't have to you'll have earned their gratitude.

[00:08:47] Going first also starts the processof discovering common ground, which is the only place where connection canoccur. This process consists of meeting your listener, where they are andunderstanding how their experience relates to yours. As you may have guessed.It's another one of those things that requires energy author, Terry Felbersuggests that people process their experience based on differentrepresentational systems based on the five senses.

[00:09:15] And evening at the beach may beremembered fondly by someone captivated by the colors of the sunset shimmeringon the waves. Someone distracted by an argument going on behind them wouldremember that same moment, very differently. We can bridge gaps such as theseby asking questions and listening closely in order to discover the otherperson's values.

[00:09:35] Before we can truly understandwhat message we have to offer them. We must feel what they feel and know whatthey already know when considering what kinds of questions might help us reachthat understanding you can easily remember popular subjects using the acronymform. Family occupation, recreation and message.

[00:09:56] If all else fails, there'salways Larry King's favorite question. Why with larger groups or in front ofaudiences asking questions allowed might be impractical. Nonetheless, we canseek out common ground by asking ourselves what has brought us together. Whatis the goal we all share here? Of course, every communication is a two waystreet.

[00:10:19] Finding the common ground thatsomeone else shares with you doesn't get you anywhere unless you're alsowilling to let them know what common ground you share with them. Openly sharingyour personal feelings or experiences can be difficult. Leaders and managersoften feel this kind of openness makes them vulnerable and compromises.

[00:10:37] Their position. Knowledge ispower after all. However, teams are strongest when they have collective powerwithholding information and keeping secrets, fosters, hidden agendas, rivalry,and suspicion, all of which compromise the efficiency of collaboration. In allcontexts authenticity and openness invites trust and allows others to connectwith you.

[00:11:03] Once we have a relevant messagethat we're ready to deliver, we can turn our attention to the difficult work ofkeeping that message. Simple. Think of an engineer, her objective isn't toimpress the sales department with her knowledge or overpower them withtechnical specifications. Her objective is to communicate.

[00:11:23] Though she might make the validcase that her subject is complicated. It is the duty of leaders andcommunicators to bring clarity to a subject, not confusion. This is no trivialfeat. One-on-one tailoring our message to suit our listeners. Background andperspective is a relatively straightforward task and we can readily respond tosigns.

[00:11:44] He or she is becoming confused.But with larger and more varied audiences, the work of keeping it simplebecomes ironically quite complicated. Clarity requires a thorough understandingof both our subject. And our audience, knowing what points to emphasize andrepeat and what points to omit entirely demands, careful preparation asmathematician, Blaise Pascal once wrote, quote, I have made this letter longerthan usual because I lack the time to make it short.

[00:12:16] End quote, one useful approachto crafting clear messages is what management consultant. Peter Meyer calls,jigsaw management. He compares giving a speech to asking an audience toassemble a jigsaw puzzle before anything else, people assembling a jigsawpuzzle we'll want a good look at the picture on the box top.

[00:12:36] They'll have a harder timeputting together a puzzle with a thousand pieces than they do with a hundred.And naturally, if there are pieces in the box that don't fit into the pictureon the box top, they will be confused or frustrated in the same way. A clearmessage allows the audience, a clear view of the big picture, and then buildsthat picture using as few ideas as possible without any pieces of irrelevantinformation.

[00:13:04] Yeah. Ultimately the goal of aconnector goes beyond successful communication. After all the success of aleader, isn't determined by how well he or she is understood, but by whatactions he or she inspires in others, inspiration is the motivation to enactchange in one's life. By focusing on understanding and caring for others, youearn their trust by investing energy, into making others feel like youunderstand them and want to help them.

[00:13:33] You earn their attention toinspire a connector. Must go a few steps. Further. A connector must believe inthe listener enough that the listener can confidently say yes to the question.Can I do it? A connector must exceed a conviction, which allows the listener tosay yes to the question. Will it be worth it?

[00:13:53] And then the communicator mustprovide a clear plan of action so that the listener knows what to do next.Finally, a successful connector maintains the trust that he has earned in hisfirst impressions. After the honeymoon, a marriage thrives based on thecredibility of the partners. And the same is true of any relationship, personalor professional Gandhi sustained his followers in their struggle for India'sindependence for decades.

[00:14:21] How by embodying his message ofnon-violent resistance completely to borrow his own words. He was the change hewanted to see in the world. If we can be the change we want to see and inspireothers by connecting on common ground, there is no limit to what we canachieve. This episode was co-produced by Himalaya and campfire.

[00:14:45] If you want to use this book atyour company to build skills and culture, you need a new way to host yourcorporate book club. Visit. Get campfire.com to learn more.